lame and nonsense thoughts

this is gonna become my diary, a place where I put all my thoughts and feelings just to take them out of me because sometimes writing it down helps me a lot.

first of all, in exactly one month and 2 days I'm graduating! HORROR! panic and fear it's what I feel, I do not want to graduate, I do not want to finish this because that would mean I have to make a lot of decisions I'm scared to take. If I take the wrong ones it will follow me the rest of my life! I am not ready for that, I was not ready at 16, I was not ready at 18 and I'm still not ready at 20 to decide what I want to be in life. 'What is your plan for life?' my mother asked me the other day...I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, OK? I DON'T KNOW, I don't know what I want to be, I don't even know very good who I am, how am I supposed to make this hard decision?aaaaaaaaaaah FUCK

more things on my mind, FRIENDSHIP, beautiful loving unconditional and twisted friendship, I love my friend, I love her, but she's so stubborn, if something doesn't go the way she wants she gets mad, I'm sorry girl, but it is not everything about YOU! 3 years all the rest left and now it's only us I know, I made friends at university and you did too, mine don't live in our town, and yours do so we started hanging out with them, and yes at the beginning they were 'your friends', but after two years I consider them my friends too, you know? and you saying the other day, 'don't you have friends? because we always go out with mine' EXCUSE ME, I just know them for 3 years LIKE YOU!oh god, so I shut my mouth (like always) and started going out with my friends, who live in a city half an hour ago and I sleep at her place, and it's awesome, and then you have the face to tell, hey you sold me out now you are always going with them! what the fuck, girl? I know you are one of my best friends but seriously get your priorities right!!grrr! I just read in the internet, 'I hate the moment when you realise your best friend is an asshole and you hate him' well, it is happening a little bit with you girl, so you better change or you don't see my face so often!

and moooooore friendship, my penpal, the girl I talked about in the last post, no, luckily she hasn't done strike 2, but she is close! Another party, she calls me, but I didn't call her back, I didn't want another disspointment! but I bumped into her anyway, we took pictures together and we talked, but quite distant cold talk. Maybe she is very shy, I don't know, but what I see from my view is that she is awesome through facebook but she doesn't make any effort when I'm around!! I really don't get it!! and now I just feel lazy and careful about her, I mean, lazy like if she is not trying why should I? and careful because I really do not want to lose her, so I'm just backing off, to see if she reacts!! (I'm gonna lose her, if I ever had her) this thought is always on my mind, but now i'm becoming closer with her friend, he is hilarious and he really seems to appreciate when he sees me, so maybe he will bring us together, I don't know! grrrrr penpal, why can't you awesome out of facebook pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

and now other thing that has pissed me off, lately I haven't been very much ONO fan as I used to be, maybe caused by the early dissapointment of the album, but I have listened to it again recently and it is not as bad as I had in mind, so I'm feeling the ONO love again, (healthier this time haha) and GEORGE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS SLUT? I was angry with the emma watson thing too, but it was a different anger, as deep down I like her very much and they make such a great couple that I am even sad it didn't work out! but this girl?? REALLY? pfff emma watson is so much better babe!! but I love you, and I respect your decision, so go ahead and play, have fun, we'll meet soon